Sean Spicer Has a Tantrum

Aww, poor baby. Does little Seanie need a binky? Is he teething? Did he not have his afternoon nap before coming out to face the music? Is he hungry? Does he have a shitty bum? It would appear that being the White House Press Secretary, especially in this administration, is hard and Seanie doesn’t seem to like it.

Testy, testy, testy Sean!

“The facts are what they are!” Ok, Sean. PUHLEEZE!  We don’t have all the facts, but what we do know does not look so swell, which is why the FBI is investigating these fools! Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids! We know better!

I have said this before, but I almost feel sorry for the man. He has to have the hardest job in Washington right now, which is to publicly come out on television everyday and defend the defenseless, peddling sprinkle covered poo balls on waffle cones and hoping that no one notices the difference from chocolate ice cream.

Unfortunately for Mr. Spicer, while there is clearly a segment of the public that will believe anything that comes out of this White House, the vast majority of the public has a more discerning palate  – and the majority of the American press corps would fall into that camp. No one likes the taste of shit.

April Ryan did not ask any hard questions yesterday. She asked inconvenient questions and, to be sure, this Russia story is most inconvenient but he should be used to this by now. If the sun rises, he should be prepared to answer questions about Russia.

Did he really try and deflect by saying Russian salad dressing? Is he Carol Burnett now? He’s supposed to be funny?

Again, I almost feel sorry for him. At the end of his day, does he sit in his sofa with a beer and cheesecake to eat his feelings? No, he probably needs something stiffer than beer – maybe whiskey. The man mus take a swig of something to come to work everyday and to rearrange the deck chairs on the Titanic with a smile on his face, although he could work on the smiling part.

It is debatable as to whether or not there is fire with this Russia story, but by God there is a bunch of smoke. The smoke is billowing through all corridors of the White House and out the roof. Most reasonable people would anticipate finding a fire eventually and the press knows this.

Seanie is going to have to get used to April Ryan, and others, asking him the inconvenient questions.

He can huff and puff and pout and belittle reporters, but reasonable people know better. Fortunately for the White House, and unfortunately for him, Republicans have no appetite to truly investigate this matter – yet. They are stalling and keeping independent investigations from occurring. So that buys the White House some time, but that also means poor Seanie is going to have to keep coming out to face another day of pesky reporting and questioning.

Seanie could quit after all and Trump could resign, but that would be too easy.

As my not so politically interested husband said this morning, “cant these people just go away already?”

It is a lovely sentiment, but unfortunately it’s not going to go down like that. Where is the soap opera in that? Where is the history to be made without a fight?

And, Mr. Spicer – if I could make a suggestion. Get some sleep, grab a V8, and get some thicker skin dude, because you’re going to need it working in this White House.

Lastly, and this is most important, stop giving Melissa McCarthy material! You know we’re going to see this skit on Saturday Night Live in the near future.

From Russia With Love – Part Three

Cue the James Bond theme! What an extraordinary day March 20, 2017, turned out to be in American political history. If anyone tells you that witnessing the FBI Director admit, publicly, that the FBI is indeed conducting an investigation into whether or not the campaign of the sitting President of the United States colluded with the Russian government to get said President elected needs a hard slap in the face with a history book.

It’s huge! In honor of 45, it’s YUGE!

Number 45 has not been President for more than 60 days, and his White House is immersed in scandal. Clementine the Great better call Scandal’s Olivia Pope to extricate him from this mess. He needs a real fixer and stat!

As I watch this sideshow, I can’t help but think about President Nixon resigning for a cover-up of a petty office break-in and President Clinton being impeached for being unfaithful to his wife and stupidly perjuring himself in the process. When thinking of those two massive political scandals, the Trump allegations would seem monumental to me. I would believe that Congress would have surrounded the White House with pitchforks by now.

My favorite part of the entire thing is the fact that the Trump presidency is ablaze, engulfed in flames, and no one within his circle is running towards the flames with a pale of water! Meanwhile, the President, apparently gripped by madness in his preoccupation with conspiracy theories and other foolishness continues to douse gasoline on the burning house with his tweets and obfuscation.

Sing it with me folks, BURN BABY BURN!

But what a day! The FBI is investigating the Trump campaign for possible collusion with a foreign government and not just any government, Russia. RUSSIA. The main adversary of the American government and people during the last half of the 20th century. Eh, maybe there is nothing to see here as Sean and Kellyanne and others would have us believe.

Even though everyone around the President claims their hands were not in the cookie jar, they are always wiping chocolate from their hands and crumbs off their chins. Again, maybe there is nothing to see here and this will all go away.

And speaking of Mr. Spicer. Oh, Sean Spicer – that poor unfortunate soul. Can we take out a fund for this man and help pay his mortgage, cover his car payments, etc. – because while his spine has long ago disintegrated, even his innate dignity as a human being is wasting away as he continues to peddle poo to the media for his boss. Let’s pay his expenses so he can dust off his dignity, pick it up off the floor – and walk away from this circus.

Week after week he is trotted out to defend the defenseless, publicly and proudly proclaim and repeat the absurd and debunked, and of course convince the public to permanently suspend their disbelief on a variety of issues. And, so, as par for the course, he tapped danced today in a vain attempt to distract from the stench of scandal.

Poor, poor Sean Spicer – someone pass the collection plate. By the looks of things he apparently hasn’t slept since the Super Bowl, and if this level of scrutiny keeps up, I am afraid he is going to drown in a puddle of his own sweat. It seems unfair really, to have to publicly defend such a seemingly unstable, corrupt, and an ill-equipped man on a daily basis. It also must stink to know that you just keep serving up comedic gold on a platter for Melissa McCarthy on a weekly basis!

Today was a big day! While James Comey confirmed what most sane people who realize the sun rises in the east believed, it still was shocking to watch and hear it be confirmed. And look at James Comey, gossiping Chatty Kathy Jamey Comey, seemingly finding his spine and stating the obvious. However, off topic, can he get a script? Does the FBI talk? Does it not talk? I am not sure we should have had his confirmation about this investigation (as much as I loved it) or that Hillary Clinton nonsense he pulled in late October. Not always sure what to make of Mr. Comey, but maybe that’s intentional.

And if Mrs. Clinton was apparently corrupt, this administration would appear to be an overflowing vessel of corrupt, nefarious and odious actors who are a stain on our democracy.  This entire sideshow, in my opinion, is a big piece of karmic pie for those in Trump’s world and so I hope they all have a large sweet tooth!

So I will keep watching the Trump version of From Russia With Love. While I don’t know what will happen, my reading of the tea leaves does not look good for this President long term, mainly because he doesn’t know how to act and he refuses to learn. His first order of business should be to try to put out the fire, but based on his continued tweets and behavior at the rally in Kentucky last night, he is still standing in the corner with a blow torch.

Stay tuned for the inevitable posting of From Russia With Love – Part Four.

I Still Smell Bullsh*t

I don’t feel like sugarcoating stuff today. The bullshit kept rolling in last week. Sorry for cursing folks, but there is not a better word for what is coming out of Washington, D.C. other than bullshit.

I love blogging and really dislike when life gets in the way, but that’s what happened last week for me and boy did I miss quite a bit of absurdity coming out of Trumpland this week. Damn this day job of mine! Does anyone want to pay me to sit at home and drink coffee so I can watch and read about this lousy excuse of an administration with my mouth agape – and then write snarky blog posts about them? Ugh, that would be the life! A boy can dream.

What do we do when our President lies as he breathes and blinks? How do we take him seriously? At this point, I suspect it is not his fault. The President is not well and cannot be blamed that this horrible affliction of rampant dishonesty has washed over his mind, that he cannot separate fact from fiction and cannot discern real new sources from fake ones.

So, President Obama tapped Trump Tower. GROAN. Yep, there was Barack in a black skull and leather gloves breaking and entering into a most public of buildings on 5th Avenue to wiretap Trump’s phone lines. OY VEY. I am not going to even bother to get into the legality and logistical problems with those claims other than to say our President has a sickness. If he were just your 70-year-old orange Uncle who spouted off nonsense, you’d probably just roll your eyes or pat his head and just think to yourself – that’s just crazy old Uncle Donald. Unfortunately, our crazy Uncle Donald is President.

We received job numbers this week which were hugely, and bigly, good and poor Sean Spicer was trotted out to joke about how these particular numbers are now true but were somehow fake under President Obama. Meanwhile, the numbers are coming from the same Labor Department they have always come from. More lies and more insanity. The press giggled like schoolchildren at the joke. Appalling.

We had movement on healthcare which has been entertaining to watch and listen as Republicans try to remove their necks from the noose they tied for themselves almost eight years ago. Instead of critiquing certain parts of the healthcare law, they basically just said the entire thing sucked like hormonal angry, gothy teenagers. That was an easy position when they didn’t own the thing, but now they do own it and they have to govern. They’re learning that health care policy is hard.

Sean Spicer brought out props again to inform the American public of the virtues of their new plan. He pointed to two stacks during a press conference. Obamacare lots of pages. New plan not so many pages. See, even a toddler can get it. But, for real, can someone tell Mr. Spicer no more props? Stop trotting out paper to make political points and Spicer the fool wonders why it is so easy for Melissa McCarthy to skewer him on Saturday Night Live. Yes, let’s make judgments about health care based on the number of pages that came out of the printer – riiiight!

There was more dirt on Michael Flynn.

We had a new and improved Muslim-ban because Trump is like a dog with a bone and just want let that particular nasty, discriminatory bone go.

The Russia scandal that the Trump folks protest is not a scandal continues to look like one more and more each day.

Oh, and Ben Carson opened his mouth. As a black man, I really shake my head at his tomfoolery. I began a separate draft about his brand of stupidity earlier in the week, but never posted it as the days got away from me and the subject seemed outdated as the Trump folks love rolling out new hits of insanity each day. However, I may have to make an exception about that topic and post it anyway.

I am sure I am missing foolishness.

So I missed quite a bit of bullshit this week. I’ve got to keep my eye on the rolling fecal balls coming out of the White House each day. I will redeem myself with posting this upcoming week.

Thanks for reading!

 

Leslie Knope for President

I have been late to the party in understanding the current sentiment of a sizeable chunk of the American electorate. The aversion to the establishment, facts, and being told what to do. The electorate is like a rebellious child. Being told no or what cannot be done, no matter how unreasonable or detrimental, is the worst thing ever.

But as we firmly cement ourselves into Trump’s America, I have gained an understanding. All the things I thought were important aren’t, or at least to enough people in Pennsylvania, Michigan, and Wisconsin. We have proudly entered the age of the glorification of the unthinkable and the absurd. The more an action seems to defy what has been normal, the better.

Which brings me to my new love of Parks and Recreation. I was late to this party as well, my husband having sung the praises of this show for years while it was actually airing. But now that I have begun binge watching, I have totally fallen in love.

It is such a quirky and funny show. I just adore Leslie Knope and her eternal optimism and belief in government, which got me to thinking? Why can’t Leslie Knope be President? Don’t roll your eyes, I am as serious as Trump supporters who claim he is more moral than President Obama.

A thrice-married repeatedly bankrupt reality t.v. star, with zero government experience, is now the most powerful man in the world with access to the nuclear codes. This has motivated me to jump on the bandwagon of supporting the seemingly impossible. I am starting a petition. Leslie Knope in 2020! Hey, at least my candidate has been in government before – even if it was just a studio set.

Ok, you’re still rolling your eyes. Listen, I am not good at math, but this is all just as probable if not more so than Trump promising all those poor, unemployed downtrodden coal mine workers that he was bringing their jobs back. He squawked about it all campaign long and people fell for it, and other things. Why can’t people fall for Leslie Knope?

So I am starting a petition. Now, presumably, Amy Poehler will need to be willing to run as Leslie Knope and remain in character at all times. Who can convince her? Tina Fey maybe? Picture Leslie Knope on the phone with Putin or crushing on Canada’s Justin Trudeau? Imagine the great television!

You can’t tell me that this would be too far? The American electorate has just proven in this last election we can and will do anything. Nothing seems to be a bridge too far. No experience, no problem. A sexist pig, no problem. A racist, no problem. A pussy grabber, no problem. So why can’t we vote for an actress to remain in character as our President for four to eight years? We will have the added intrigue of never truly knowing what are Amy’s thoughts as Amy and Amy’s thoughts while thinking about what Leslie the character would do.

And we like shiny and new – so nothing would be more new and cutting edge than having an actress, playing a role, as our first female President. Sorry Hillary, it just wasn’t meant to be for you. God knows I love you, but those e-mails made you the worst thing since Lady Macbeth, so I have to move on to Plan B. For what it’s worth, before Kate McKinnon gave the world her best Mrs. Clinton, Amy Poehler did an awesome Hillary back in 2008 on Saturday Night Live – so in a weird way, Amy will bring Hillary with her in spirit. See, this all works!

But think about it, Amy Poehler has no government experience. Apparently, the less experience the better. Americans now like their Presidents inexperienced and ill prepared. It’s en vogue. Being President may be the hardest job on Earth, why would anyone need to be experienced?

But for those few people who care about experience, Leslie has experience. All of Leslie’s years at the Pawnee Parks Department, which is more government experience than the current President! A loyal civil servant always interested in doing the right thing. And to make it even more fun, Leslie should bring along the Parks and Recreation cast to fill her main cabinet posts. Hey, if we think Rex Tillerson will be tough as Secretary of State, that man will have nothing on Ron Swanson. What about slimy Tom Haverford as Treasury Secretary?

Lastly, what if with the transition of power from a Trump Presidency to a Knope Presidency, the mockumentary film style comes to the White House! How awesome would it be if we had that now? You know there are some wild conversations taking place in the Oval Office that we’re missing.

No, Mr. President, you can’t hang up on Angela Merkel even if you think she’s unattractive and a bitch. No, Mr. President, you can’t just build a wall, we have this thing called Congress and they give you funding. No, Mr. President, it is not a good thing if we have a new nuclear arms race.

Imagine being able to watch Kellyanne Conway and Sean Spicer chasing Trump around the Oval trying to snatch his phone so he can’t tweet. We are living through a Presidency via twitter, why not through a mockumentary in 2020?

A potential Knope Presidency brought to you by Amy Poehler as Leslie Knope has tons to offer the country. Entertainment is more important than policy we learned long ago and who better to entertain than a comedic actress of Ms. Poehler’s talents? I think I have proved my case and solved the problem for the Democrats. Now, all we have to decide is who we can get to run with her for Vice-President?

 

 

 

 

Saturday Night Live – The Opposition Party

With the close of another week, the American people and the world were witnesses to more absurdity and stupidity coming out of Washington. They also received their comedic medicine during these scary times, another episode of Saturday Night Live that displays the folly of electing a reality-t.v. billionaire to be the leader of the United States. Hopefully, it serves a big flashing warning for America for 2020 – don’t do this s*it again!

is speaking for America, or maybe liberal America, or the America that does not believe in “alternative facts” and Bowling Green massacres.  I am not sure, but they are on a roll.

Maybe it’s speaking to the  America that gave Hillary Clinton an overwhelming popular vote win, or maybe it’s just talking to California, or black and brown people, Millenials, or all remaining sane white people.

I am not sure exactly who it is speaking to, but I have to believe millions of people out are horrified and concerned, right? Millions of us cannot understand what has happened to our government and how it has been hijacked by radicals, seemingly intent on its destruction from within. There will be enough people to ensure something like this does not happen again in 2020, right? Here’s to hoping…

At times it feels like SNL is doing a better job than our media at calling a duck a duck, or as is more often the case with this administration – a lie a lie.

SNL has been serving as the conscious of America, through comedy, skewering and lampooning the travesty that is President Trump and his attack on our values and institutions. It is sad, and spectacular all at once that the leader of the free world is bothered by the withering critique of a sketch-comedy program.

The cast of SNL has served as more of an opposition party to Trump than the Democratic Party, finding a clear voice and showing they have some big cojones. Week after week they have been calling bullshit, through comedy, on the President and his cronies. The Democrats need to take some notes and maybe ask to borrow those cojones as well.

If you have not seen this week’s episode, I don’t want to give it away, but Melissa McCarthy as Sean Spicer is over the top wonderfulness. Melissa was a total clown, but of course so is the Press Secretary, which is kind of the point and it worked marvelously. Alec Baldwin, Kate McKinnon, Weekend Update – all the usual stuff – was excellent as well.

Back to Melissa, where do I submit a petition to make her a full-time cast member, or at least make sure she returns at least once a month to be Sean Spicer? The gloriousness of her impersonation cannot be overstated.

Yes, as I sat in my liberal bubble of education and “real facts” here in Manhattan,  I thoroughly enjoyed myself, which means the President surely did not. I am waiting for this week’s angry tweet about the joke that is SNL, but as all sane Americans know the joke, at least on Saturdays, will always be on this President. Maybe Kellyanne has the phone under lock and key.

Great work SNL – keep it up.

You can watch a brief clip here:

 

 

 

Goodbye 2016 Plus 10 Things I Want For 2017

I will refrain from joining the chorus of voices on social media extolling the horror and dread they have felt over the course of 2016 by making a post explicitly about that topic. Although, I agree that 2016 has been like the world’s worst boss – somehow in charge of decision making but every decision made seems to be the wrong one.

But enough of that, instead, I will share my hopes for 2017 in no particular order.

First and foremost, who is going to tell the Emperor that he has no clothes? Yes, our country can now be summed up by the children’s book The Emperor’s New Clothes. It has come to this. We have elected a President-elect whose orange and tanned celluloid ass is exposed for the world to see and he doesn’t seem to notice or care about the brisk winds of problems blowing against his crack. He walks around smugly, admits to not reading briefings, has no convictions, butchers the English language, insults, demeans, and tweets  – TWEETS – about issues of national importance on a medium used by every Joe Blow.

Where is that vampiress and stealer of souls Kellyanne Conway to make this stop? But really between now and January 20th, can someone enroll the President-elect in an 8th-grade History course? If that is not available can we get him that Schoolhouse Rock video “I’m Just a Bill” because he also seems confused about separation of powers and what he can actually do alone as President?

Lastly, before someone says Hillary Clinton lost the election and to get over it, I will “get over it” once the President-elect begins to behave presidentially as his been historically expected in this country. I am not sure why a collective decision was made by the electorate and the media to say – this particular guy does not have to play by the rules and norms that have served our democracy well for 240 years.

I want to “get over it” and even give Agent Orange a chance, but he refuses to give me the opportunity. He will need to earn my support by his deeds and actions, and a start could be NOT praising a Russian dictator and murderer as “smart” while insulting the current and sitting President – via Twitter as he did yesterday.

Second, I hope that all the Trump supporters realize the error of their vote and while they don’t have to publicly admit they were wrong, or even declare they have tired of their no policy belief reality star, I hope they secretly go to the ballot box in 2020 and help to undo the horror they have unleashed upon the country and the world.

Third, I hope that God, the universe, the force…whatever is out there…decides to spare a celebrity or two. Specifically, hands off my Madonna. Her music and reincarnations have provided a soundtrack of sorts for my own life so her demise would sadden me immensely.

Fourth, I hope and pray for a muzzle for Mr. Kanye West and while we’re at an invisibility cloak too as I’d prefer not to hear or see him. Seriously, Mr. West lost quality person points with me long ago for a variety of reasons (hello Taylor Swift, Beyonce obsession), but walking out of Trump Tower this month with the President-elect was the last straw. Really dude? Goodbye.

Five, I want Americans and our political leaders to wake up and agree – once and for all – that climate change is real. It’s not a hoax, it’s not the Loch Ness Monster that no one can see and feel – it’s science people. We can see view time-lapsed footage of sea ice melting in the Arctic. It’s science and science is a great thing. And no, just because it snows does not mean there is not climate change – not what it’s about people. Let’s start believing in science again and making sound policy based on facts.

Six, and if I am writing this blog at the end of 2017, I, unfortunately, suspect it will be on the list again, but I am going to need men – usually old white Republican men – to get their sticky fingers off the wombs of American women and out of their medicine cabinets. LET IT GO. Reproductive rights and reproductive choices should solely be made by women. I mean, honestly, perspective is a peculiar thing. If we are so concerned about life, I propose we fund, with federal dollars, a roving Masturbation Unit that somehow magnetically screens for boners and hard-ons in households (don’t say it can’t be done folks, we went to the moon. Science is an amazing thing!). If no woman is present, clearly we’re not procreating, the criminal masturbatory act should be stopped at once. Suppose we will need to the roving police to enforce this. Maybe we can use the same folks who are expected to round up the 11 million Mexicans from their homes as proposed by the naked Emperor. Not sure if we propose a fine for males caught in the act or possibly prison time for the murder of ejaculate hitting the floor. Sperm is life too folks. Oh, our ridiculous patriarchal society. Leave women alone on this issue once and for all damn it!

Seven, criminal justice reform. We have to stop killing unarmed black men. It’s not new, technology has just made it visible. I am too exasperated about this topic today to say much more than that. There is a problem, and those that claim there isn’t most likely aren’t a person of color and are wrapped up, and are the beneficiary, of some sort of societal privilege.

Eight, more of Kate McKinnon and Alec Baldwin on Saturday Night Live. If we have to live through a Trump presidency, we will need to erect a protective bubble around these two to ensure that they are always around to comedically lambaste the orange one for his seemingly enduring and unwavering stupidity.

Nine, my hope is for Hillary Rodham Clinton to find a new cause to champion. After the scorched Earth election that was 2016 and the years/months leading up to it, people probably have forgotten that this woman had approval ratings in the high 50s and mid-60s during her years as Secretary of State. It wasn’t until she sought power again that she suddenly was all at once was too weak,  an evil socialist mastermind, too corrupt, not warm enough, too robotic, too desperate, too rehearsed, too prepared, the moral equivalent to Trump, racist, not liberal enough, had the audacity to use a private server, worst that Nixon, couldn’t please her husband, didn’t leave her philandering husband, and the list went on and on.

But before all of this, this was a person who was on the front lines on issues like healthcare and children’s advocacy and in the trenches for a long time. A woman just as educated as her husband – had a career of her own. Unlike our current President-elect, she actually had a public record. The brutal sexism that reared its ugly head in 2016 should be a lesson to us all that we still have work to do on this front. Our country also needs to acknowledge that we have not had any Hillary Rodham Clinton’s and I don’t think we knew exactly what to do with her.  A woman who in her actions was basically saying I am just as strong, just as capable, just as ambitious (gasp!), just as capable of leading this nation.

We can write the entire thing off and make it about all of her failings, but it’s truly about us. It’s about what we value, how we perceive information and facts, and how we view women seeking power and authority. A large segment of the population chose an openly bigoted, thrice married, philandering fool who can barely construct a proper sentence. A man who has said he will make our country great without telling anyone how, while openly admitting he doesn’t know what he doesn’t know and he doesn’t care to know. That, folks, is not Hillary Rodham Clinton’s problem or about her damn e-mails. At the end of the day, women have to be perfect, white men can be mediocre and flawed as can be. Yes, I said white men because a black man would not be allowed near the Oval Office if he had three baby mama’s – and that’s real talk.

I hope that she is relaxed, not too depressed, and realizes she has had an incredible career in both the private and public sector, and that despite how boring and unlike her husband or President Obama in her oratory skills, her tenacity alone made her an inspirational figure to millions of people. I hope that she does not allow Donald Trump of all people to end her career.

Ten, I wish that all of my friends and loved ones have a glorious and prosperous 2017. It is a crazy world with so much seemingly out of our control, but we can choose to be decent and to share a kind word. To stand up for our beliefs when challenged and to do our part, in our own little spheres, to protect the marginalized. We can follow our own dreams and hearts and hopefully bring a little light into the world. See look what I did there – ending on a note of positivity!

Happy New Year everyone!