What Will Happen?

I have been an absent blogger! Not writing about the crazy has not stopped the crazy from happening, so I suppose I will just pick up with the latest drama as soon as I get settled.

I rarely delve into my own personal life on this blog, but April has been a bit of a busy month. I started a new job which has been exciting but has caused the need for a little scheduling adjustment and now I am traveling to Egypt for a little vacation. So, I hope to get back to my usual writing routine the second week in May upon my return.

So while I am out of the country, what will I miss? Maybe the American public will regain its collective sense and overthrow the Trump dynasty? And folks, with Ivanka, Jared, and the crazy one in charge – it is a weird undemocratic democracy but I digress. Maybe Sean Spicer will be fired? Hell, maybe Sean Spicer will fire himself and quit for the sake of his soul?

Maybe Sean Spicer will be fired? Hell, maybe Sean Spicer will fire himself and quit for the sake of his soul? One can only hope, but then what will Melissa McCarthy do?

Will Caitlyn Jenner finally retreat and stop talking? Honestly, can we stop making her the face of transgender women? THERE ARE OTHER TRANSGENDERED WOMEN! Now, according to her, she regrets her Trump vote! Sheesh! Just figuring this out Caitlyn? All of that California sun must have long ago fried her brain.

What else could happen? Will former President Obama be blamed for faking the moon landing, as the current administration seems to find reasons and ways to blame him for everything? Sean Spicer actually tried to blame Obama for the Mike Flynn debacle yesterday. According to him, President Obama was supposed to do the vetting! It’s a bird, a plane, anything to deflect. P.S. Sean, the Obama Administration FIRED Mike Flynn – probably should have been Team Trump’s clue that General Flynn was no Girl Scout.

So many intriguing possibilities.

In the meantime, I am off to catch a plane with my “Don’t Blame Me, I Didn’t Vote for Trump” t-shirt in tow for my international audience. Ok, I don’t really have one of those, but it might not be too late to locate one and slap it on my person!

Thanks for reading.

 

 

 

Loofahs and Falafels

In what is no longer news, Bill O’Reilly is out at Fox News. It was then reported that civility and sanity did a celebratory dance with one another and then released collective sighs of relief.

I had no intention of writing anything about Mr. O’Reilly, that abominable pumped up bag of hot air, who very successfully had a hand in convincing a segment of the American public that others were out to get them, to take stuff that somehow rightfully belonged to them – among other horrors.

The others usually were people of color and all the problems of America could be solved if we somehow were just less politically correct. America would also be better if it were more homogenized and if minorities kept their grievances to themselves as they never had merit anyway.

So I had no intention of discussing him, he has had twenty years worth of attention. But while these allegations are nothing new, I had forgotten about one allegation in particular made by Andrea Mackris. Ms. Mackris recorded some of her phone conversations with Bill, which has now given me the fodder for this post.

Perverted horn dog Bill O’Reilly would call Ms. Mackris to discuss all the filthy things he wanted to do to her – specifically with a loofah (among other things). However, unfortunately for Bill, he apparently gets his loofahs confused with his falafels when he is turned on. He talks about a lot of boob rubbing, gentle crotch grabbing, wine drinking and the magic of this loofah, but the loofah somehow becomes the “falafel thing” as he outlines his desires in his excitement. He was going to do stuff to her with the “falafel thing”

Oy vey.

Really? Really Bill? Bill O’Reilly!

I’m going to go ahead and just call it, this is too absurd for this poor woman to have made this up.

So, yes, while I had no intention of writing about this, I could not pass up the opportunity to have a blog post titled “Loofahs and Falafels.” When will I ever get the chance to title something like this again? I love coming up with titles for posts and admittedly some are better than others, but Loofahs and Falafels, man you just can’t beat that.

Besides the appalling behavior, can we all just take a moment to bask in the absolute ridiculousness of this entire thing? There is a scandal that incorporated loofahs? Falafels? He mistook falafels for loofahs? They have Bill O’Reilly on a recording talking seductively about a falafel? Bill O’Reilly kept his job after that incident. How was this not a larger story when that doozy originally came out, just for the sheer absurdity of it all? Oy vey! You can’t make this stuff up.

So Bill O’Reilly is gone – hooray. I can’t give Fox too much credit as this was simply about money, not principles, decency, or ethics of course, but he is gone and I will take it.

For the record, when a host of women come out and allege sexual harassment, I tend to believe them. When people are recorded showcasing their sexual harassment (Mr. O’Reilly) or propensity for sexual assault (talking to you Mr. President), I tend to believe it. When forty plus women come forward and recount their stories (talking to you Bill Cosby), I believe them.

I guess the more important question now is, how many women does it take for a corporation, or the American public for that matter, to believe women? What does it take?

 

Just Stop Talking

Put a lid on the lips and clamp the tongues! Truly, for the love of God, can folks just take a minute and stop talking? Just stop talking. It’s a lesson for us all when we have royally screwed up or maybe to consider before we screw up!

It has been a week since I have written anything and my brain aches from the pure stupidity flying around through the atmosphere in America right now and making national news.

I am talking to the lovely folks at Pepsi, the CEO of United Airlines and, of course, my pal Sean Spicer who, as a baby, can’t help play in his own fecal matter on a weekly basis.

But it’s ok, we all make mistakes, start to dig our own graves and bravely prepare to jump in. However, at some point, you have to stop digging. You can put the shovel down and do the Kool-Aid man backup shuffle and get out of the pile of dong you have found yourself standing in.

I previously wrote about Pepsi but did not have time to add a post about their non-apology statement. I don’t even know what that initial response was supposed to be. Then there was United Airlines who apparently don’t need customers, which is the only thing that explains their CEO’s initial response.

And then there was my absolute favorite step in poo person of the week, Mr. Spicer. Mr. Spicer has stepped in it before, but this week – man – there are no words. Even I almost felt for the guy. Mr. Spicer quibbling about chemical weapons and airborne attacks – and comparisons to Hitler and which mass murderer was worse. Sheesh. It’s probably a safe bet for us all to forego any comparisons to Hitler. It never ends well. Someone should have come out from underneath the podium, gently tapped him on the shoulder, and just told him to be quiet – instantly.

Because of my failure to write anything these last couple of days, I was unable to comment on the events about Syria. I actually believe the U.S. and the West should respond when countries violate international laws and norms, like using chemical weapons. So, for a day or two, I suppose I was on the same side as Trump. But we have a White House who cannot even seem to agree on why they did this or what the end goal is and they’ve had a week, if not months to come up with that rationale.

It also doesn’t help that we are learning that Trump apparently acted because Ivanka was upset by this event. Huh? Trump didn’t know about this before, never thought about this as a candidate? Can’t he just go out and buy his daughter an ice cream cone like all good father’s do when their daughter’s are upset? If that doesn’t work how about a nice dress or, hell, their rich –  buy her a penthouse! I mean come on!

And we really can’t intelligently debate the merits of any military action because there was Sean babbling like a buffoon about Hitler not gassing anyone – although he presumably meant during combat. Either way, it was just awful, painfully awful.

Poor, poor, Sean Spicer. I actually don’t think he meant to sound like such an offensive dweeb but, you know what, as the title states – sometimes it better to just stand quietly. No one asked that man to make that comparison.

So, for today, I am going to advocate that everyone just stop talking. When you screw up, apologize quickly, put your lips together, and just be quiet. Put down the shovel. Get out of the dirt. Walk away from the grave you have created and just because it’s there, doesn’t mean you have to jump in.

 

 

Folks, There’s Nothing To See Here But A Brand New Bag of Shiny Balls

While the words in the title of this post have not been uttered by the President or his cronies yet, at this point, they might as well have been. Give Sean time folks, give him some time. Things are getting dicey so who knows what they will say or do next.

There are lots of glittery balls in the air these days with reporters batting them around like little puppies. A red one! A blue one! Will we get a yellow one? Oh, look this one has just been pumped full of fresh air! Sigh. It’s really rather unfortunate. I decided to recount some of my favorites below:

1) Not only did President Obama wiretap Trump Tower, but his behavior has also been much worse than that. The former President was so desperate to implicate Trump in something, he took the unusual step to scale Trump Tower donning a ski mask, with suction cups on his hands and feet, peering into the Trump family penthouse and snapping pictures in an attempt to get dirt. The former President turned up empty handed and the only thing he saw was Melania dancing with glee because she has yet to be forced to leave her gilded palace and move to the White House.

2) Last year, Hillary Clinton received questions from Donna Brazille before her debate with Trump – as President Trump continues to remind us. (As an aside, has anyone informed Trump she lost?) But that’s not the real scandal. The real scandal is that she will receive the debate questions in the 2020 election too, regardless as to whether or not she is a candidate. Because Hillary is a Clinton, she will then offer to sell the questions to whichever candidate is willing to pay the most for them. How do we know this? We know this because we know and the President will provide evidence of his knowledge into future events when he sees fit because that’s what he does.

3) Not only did Susan Rice “unmask” American’s partaking in dubious contacts with shady Russian folks, she also “unmasked” a man named Carl who pretended to be a caveman in one of the Scooby-Doo episodes. Oh, you didn’t know Scooby-Doo had a fifth character who was black? Well, that’s because the liberal media hasn’t reported the story. Susan Rice has been unmasking people for decades. Wait and see, this will be the scandal – if only the media would cover it!

So many scandals – so many untold stories! Look into – they are all true!

Also, for good measure and not to be forgotten – Tupac and Biggie are still alive and the Moon is made of cheese. I hear it’s a tasty Vermont cheddar. Let’s cover this too. Tweets and Fox News commentary are sure to follow.

Ok, I had to have a little fun with all of this, but the level of absurdity is off the charts. And as absurd as my version of the “news” is – is it really that absurd? Washington has gone completely off the rails. We have a President who will say anything and yet, when it counts, says nothing at all (see his Syria Press Conference today as an example). I mean is everyone taking shots of bong water and eating bath salts as appetizers?

Everyone needs to keep their eyes on the ball – one ball.  The ball is Russia and this White House, not a bunch of people out of office and out of power. Can we give the American electorate, the media, and our politicians a dose of Adderall. Pay attention!

It is worth repeating the following until everyone understands the gravity of the situation.

The FBI is investigating the sitting President and his pals for possible collusion with a foreign government in an attempt to sway an election through hacking and possibly other backroom deals and shenanigans. We are a democracy so it’s sort of a big deal to think an outside adversarial government had a favorite in the race and worked to get that person elected. It’s even a bigger deal if those same individuals knew about the plan and worked with the adversarial government.

We are a democracy, so it’s sort of a big deal to think an outside adversarial government had a favorite in the race and worked to get that person elected – to the detriment of the other candidate. It’s even a bigger deal if one of those campaigns knew about the plan and worked with an adversarial government against an American election.

Why the hell don’t more people care about this? If we don’t care about this as a country, then what’s the point of continuing this little democratic experiment? Let’s just let a handful of folks pick people to be President. Better yet, they don’t even have to be American to do the picking.

The FBI is also reportedly creating a separate unit that will continue looking into this issue, which would be a sign of an expanding investigation – not a shrinking one. A new connection to Russia is found almost daily. This is the story no matter how much certain folks allege Susan Rice apparently behaved like Gladys Kravitz from Bewitched for political purposes (if that is to be believed). Nevermind what her actual job was and why she would “unmask” someone.

 

President Trump can deny everything and call it “fake news.” Sean Spicer can tap dance until he is out of breath and red in the face. I mean, honestly, the man is going to beat-box next in an effort to deflect. Kellyanne can offer up alternative facts. Ivanka can be brought out to be pretty and say nice things about women. The Trump team can continue to razzle dazzle the populace until they catch wise, but there is always the chance they will catch wise! I mean people will catch wise. Maybe not everyone, but enough.

More importantly, where there is smoke there is usually fire and anytime someone repeatedly tells you, move along there is nothing to see here folks – there is probably something to see.

 

Black Lives Matter…and Pepsi?

What an interesting commercial. Hmm, that’s not how I recall certain events. If only those protestors had a Pepsi in their hands!

Lawwwd Jesus who comes up with these ideas? In the name of Jesus I rebuke all of this foolishness and I am not even religious and these people have me looking up to the sky and asking why.

I suggest, here and now, that someone create a “not a good idea council.” We can select a few trusted and sensible citizens to go around the nation and give gentle taps on the shoulder and a non-approving headshake when people develop hairbrained schemes – like voting for Trump for instance. Tap, tap, shake – no!

Oh and, of course, that same council could be used to tap Kendall Jenner and the folks at Pepsi on their shoulders as well. Hell, we can even add a wagging finger in disapproval too.

The entire advertisement has overtones to a protest movement. Hmm, I wonder which one. However, the ending scene, clearly evokes the moment where a young woman of color confronts the police – which happened during a Black Lives Matter protest.

Pepsi’s reimagining of that moment with Kendall approaching the police and providing a Pepsi has people in a lather. Some of the commentary on Twitter is spot on and hysterical. If only MLK would have held up a Pepsi on the National Mall! Who knew that’s all we needed to do!

Sheesh!

Again, who thought this was a good idea? And why the hell is yet another member of that abominable Kardashian-Jenner clan embroiled in a controversy? Ugh.

While I understand the offense taken, I must say I am not surprised. The constant dipping of toes into the lake of stupidity within this country seems to be endless and, so, one should expect the trivialization of important issues such as race, criminal justice, inequality, police brutality, etc. I mean why not!

Personally, I have been more consumed with images coming of Syria last night, and North Korea launching another missile yesterday, our White House embroiled in scandal, and that same White House rolling back protections (quietly) on women in the workforce among other things.

Maybe I am jaded, but I am not surprised that an American corporation would pick a privileged white woman to take part in the whitewashing of a movement for commercial consumption and profit.

In Kendall’s defense, I doubt she even knows what’s going on. I am sure someone just said, hey you can make millions by being in this advertisement and then you can to buy cool dresses, shoes, and limp plumper. That silly little girl doesn’t know any better.

Anyway, can Pepsi keep it simple and go back to the good old days when a vamped up Britney Spears danced around and “sang” like a sexed up purring cat with Bob Dole creepily in the background. Ah, the good old days.

Watch the Kendall clip below:

And for good measure here is Britney: