Drinking Bong Water With President Trump

Let me start with the positive from tonight’s Presidential Address to Congress. At the start of the speech, that was the most Presidential I have ever seen the President. He clearly practiced, read about, and watched the behavior of the previous Presidents. Give Donald a treat and a pat on the head!

I would appreciate his acknowledgment, even if it rang hollow, of Black History Month and the offensive anti-Semitic attacks sweeping across the country. It is unfortunate he did not acknowledge his role in any of that because of his words and deeds.

Now for the rest of it. Just because you say, it doesn’t make it so. A lie is a lie. An exaggeration is an exaggeration. One must willfully suspend disbelief and guzzle leftover bong water to believe the mess this man spouts. I suspect he is throwing back the bong water as well, it would explain a lot.

I will give him this. Everything he says sounds great and seems so simple. I will just end this post with this. The President of the United States said, “everything that is broken in our country can be fixed. Every problem can be solved, and every hurting family can find healing and hope.” Again, sounds great, but someone needs to tell the great exaggerator and adjective lover that this is a tall order. Dare I say, it almost sounds socialist! Our society has winners and losers, last time I checked.

My glass of bong water is finished, and I have learned that we will have significant tax cuts for corporations and the middle class, one of the largest spending increases for the military (according to him), paid family sick leave (Paul Ryan looked shocked by that announcement), drug epidemics will stop, immigration reform, we will unify, men and women of law enforcement need support (no discussion of any necessary improvement in behavior of law enforcement) and much, much more. When I don’t think too hard, it all sounds amazing.

Once the bong water wears off, I will have to get my calculator handy to tally up all those spending proposals. I will also need to dig through the weeds and piles of bullshit to get to the truth. Words are one thing, but policy and arithmetic will tell the real story.

But you know what, I bet America loved it!

 

 

 

Caitlyn Jenner – Gurl, Bye!

A bit of buyer’s remorse was flying through the air in the mythical and strange land that is Republicanville this past week. The White House rescinded an Obama era order allowing transgender youth to use restroom facilities corresponding to their gender identity. Liberals and progressives, not surprisingly, were not pleased but there was some displeasure on the right as well.

Jackie Evancho, who sang at the Inauguration and apparently has a sister who is transgendered, wanted to talk with Trump and Caitlyn Jenner, as stated in a Tweet, thought the entire thing was a disaster and wanted Trump to call her.

I don’t know enough about Jackie to have an opinion, but let’s discuss Caitlyn.  Because of her notoriety, she has become an advocate for transgender rights and issues. While she may be a transgendered female, something tells me that Ms. Jenner, with her wealth and fame living in Calabasas, has not faced the same struggles as your average transgendered youth. It is this privilege that seemingly would allow her to vote for someone like Trump in the first place.

Listen, Caitlyn, Trump doesn’t need to call you. He doesn’t care that you thnk this policy is a disaster. Trump is doing what anyone who has been paying attention would expect him to do. You can tweet for him to call you all you want, but the damage has been done.

Labels matter. When you go to the grocery store, and you read the nutrition facts on the back of the bag of potato chips you know what you’re getting. There’s going to be fat and a whole bunch of salt. Conversely, the Republican Party has a label when it comes to LGBTQ issues – it’s in bold print and reads: GENERALLY NOT SUPPORTIVE.

So what has Caitlyn been doing? She hasn’t seen the label and the fine print of the policy and platform of the Republican Party? What did she think they were going to do? I imagine Caitlyn has remained a Republican presumably for her own financial interests and that crap about smaller government, although that ridiculous concept for another blog post and another day.

It is Caitlyn’s right to be part of any party she chooses, but she can’t clutch her pearls and hold her chest for dramatic effect when the outcome society receives because of long desired Republican policy becomes a reality. Lady, read the damn label!

As my Grandmother would say, you get what you pay for or in this case, what you voted for. I am not mad at Trump for this, I am angry at the Caitlyns of the world. People like Caitlyn vote against their own self-interest and then later whine and complain as they are clenching their buttocks together trying to avoid the unceremonious screwing they now must endure. Read the labels! Potato chips have fat – don’t be shocked. Republicans, as a whole, are not for gay rights let alone transgender rights. Don’t be shocked!

Did Caitlyn Jenner really think Donald Trump and his cabinet would advocate for transgender youth? As Trump promised to destroy the Obama legacy, did she not believe that they’d go after that too? Has she not been paying attention to the rhetoric and policy positions of the Republican Party for the last decade or more?

Caitlyn should have been smarter. Having just received her first set of boobs for the first time in her sixth decade on this planet, I would have expected her to be better versed in these matters – especially if she is going to keep running her mouth and proclaim to want to be an advocate. Nothing about that should have screamed, let me give Trump my vote.

I want Caitlyn to go back to Calabasas, keep her lovely manicured hands from tweeting, and to keep her mouth shut until 2020 when she is able to attempt to rectify her voting error.

Trump is being Trump. What the hell is her excuse?

 

Lindsay Lohan and Her Magical, Mythical Kinda Sorta Islamic Head Scarf

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Lindsay of Arabia, the long awaited sequel to Lawrence of Arabia, is set to be released later this year.The sequel picks up in the year 2017, where the perpetually troubled and out of work Lindsay Lohan stars as a globetrotting actress who claims to sorta kind of be converting to Islam. A subplot is also the troubling “double checking” she experienced at security while donning a head scarf at an airport.

Ok, the movie isn’t happening, but the story is true.

Various articles titled, “Lindsay Lohan Claim She Was Racially Profiled,” or some version of that made the news today. I took a moment to actually watch a clip of her interview on Good Morning Britain and I did not hear her say the words “racially profiled.” She speaks of being “double checked.”

Groan. Really Lindsay. My disdain for this story cannot be expressed sufficiently in words. There is a level of absurdity to the entire thing. I need a meme of my face in its current contorted state. Envision a face. Now think of the smell of rotten eggs. That’s my face at the moment.

I am not sure what she’s trying to accomplish here. Are we making a statement? Are we just discussing her experience? Is she just gabbing with no intent at all?

The cynical part of me thinks it’s convenient that in this current climate she is now wearing head scarfs and maybe converting to Islam (but won’t say). Definitely a great way to create publicity. Maybe I just want a better ambassador for this story – someone with a less questionable history. For example, I loved that Caitlyn Jenner was open about her struggle and journey as a transgender woman. However, I hated that the messenger for such an important matter was a member of the Kardashian-Jenner fame-obsessed clan.

Racial profiling is a serious issue. It’s a timely subject to discuss. Does this topic really need to be brought to us via Lindsay Lohan? Are we unable to empathize with an actual Muslim woman telling this tale? How about an actress – any actress – of color? Can the media find no one else to bring attention to this?

Now don’t get me wrong, I loved Freaky Friday and Mean Girls as much as the next person. I loved Parent Trap even more as a kid. I am not trying to hate on Lindsay. But in these politically charged and racially sensitive times, I am not sure I want this lesson to coming from Lindsay.

When Ms. Streep dressed down Trump last month, without mentioning him by name, I cheered her on. In my opinion, her message was clear, succinct, and no disrespect to Ms. Lohan was delivered by a generally respected actress. She also knew what she was trying to say. Frankly, I don’t know what Lindsay is trying to say.

In the span of six minutes, she talks about the incident at the airport while wearing a head scarf and being “double checked” and how it made her think.Ok, what do you think about racial profiling Lindsay? Then she continues on about her dabbling in Islam. Piers Morgan presses her about converting to Islam, which doesn’t seem like an odd question based on the flow of the interview. She dances around that. And lastly when asked about Mr. Trump, she declares that she does not like Mr. Trump’s policies but he is President, people are dramatic, and Trump shouldn’t be kicked while he is down

Gurl, bye.

That last position alone is why I can’t be bothered with this. Yes, Trump is President but many Muslim-Americans don’t have the benefit in this country of shrugging and going, well he is the President so you know all will be ok and don’t kick him while he’s down.

It must be nice to have the privilege to dabble in a misunderstood and ostracized religion without any negative consequences associated with being perceived as a true member of that religion. As she notes, when she was “double checked” and people realized she was Lindsay Lohan, they apologized and left her alone. I am not even certain this is a case of racial profiling. Maybe the apology came from the realization that a celebrity was forced to endure some inconvenience – nothing more. Her celebrity status is a form of privilege as well.

I admit that I am probably being a little hard on Ms. Lohan. Maybe her thoughts on the subject aren’t fully formed yet. If so, I wish she would have stuck to discussing movies or now being mature at 30.

Going back to an earlier point I made, let me be clear in what I am trying to say. Muslim-Americans are people who practice Islam are looked at suspiciously. We have a President enacting policies seemingly targeting them with a broad brush. People of color, in general, have and continue to be being racially profiled in this country. I don’t need Lindsay Lohan to be the face of the story. Let’s not trivialize something as important as this.

You can watch the clip below:

 

 

 

 

A Letter to Senator McCain

Dear Senator McCain,

I want to thank you for retaining your spine, as spines are seemingly in short supply these days, especially in your party. They have either been lost or have withered away altogether. It is disconcerting to watch as members of your party, so gleeful to be in power, appear willing to concede the basic tenets of American democracy just to keep an unfit President because he is Republican.

But this is where you come in.

While in Germany when you remarked that Trump’s administration was quote, “in disarray,” I wanted to stand up and cheer. A Republican who still has their eyesight and hearing! Now after I cheered, I must admit, disarray is an understatement in my opinion – but I’ll take it. Baby steps with these things, I get it. You even continued your criticism over the weekend reminding folks that the types of attacks Trump was unleashing on the press was how “dictators get started.” Yes, keep up the criticism sir.

I have not always agreed with your politics. What was that ridiculous business of potentially placing Sarah Palin a heartbeat away from the Presidency? Time has passed, I can forgive you for that now, we all mistakes. Your criticism of President Obama over the years has felt anything but fair, but maybe that is to be expected given the competitive nature of your relationship. And, of course, there have been many moments where I have felt your foreign policy was too bombastic and confrontational for my tastes.

But despite all of that, I have respected your continued outspokenness, your knowledge of policy, your obvious love for this nation and, of course, your service. And now in these times of having elected a petulant child to the Presidency, we need you and your voice more than ever.

So thank you for stating that his Administration is currently in “disarray,” because by any definition it is. As certain members of your party seem willing to totally get on board with a universe full of “alternative facts,” it was refreshing to hear you state the obvious.

Thank you for also taking the time to talk about your constitutional duties and our system having three equal branches of government. I have concerns that your party, so in lust with the power they have recently acquired, are willing to overlook constitutional violations, erosion of democratic customs and norms, and to call out the President when he behaves more like a dictator as opposed to a man elected by a rather thin margin (despite his proclamations to the contrary).

In conclusion, Senator McCain please keep your spine. Hold on to it, keep it under lock and key. A spine is valuable and hard to come by in 2017. Please speak out more and more forcefully as arising situations will surely warrant. History will look back at you fondly and the Nation will thank you, for these are special times.

Hold your little pocket carry-on friend Senator Graham close as well, as your backbone seems to be rubbing off on him too, but only when you’re near. The more outspoken people we have the better. Share your vertebrae with others in your party who are seemingly less fortunate in that area than you.

The country is counting on you.

Respectfully,

A Concerned Citizen

From Russia With Love – Part Two

I am so excited, I finally have reason to write a “Part Two” blog post! I’ve been itching to do one, and I have finally been given my chance.

Russia! Trump and his gang’s knotty and ever tangled ties with Russia have given me license to do my first “Part Two.” This will also be the 25th post on the blog! I told myself I would write more in 2017 and so far so good. Ugh, I kind of owe thanks to the Great Clementine for this.

Moving along…Russia, Russia, Russia! Marsha, Marsha, Marsha! Trump has his own beautiful version of the blonde from The Brady Bunch, except his Marsha is bald and rides horses shirtless. Do we think he is regretting this Russia thing yet?

Everything these days seems to be about Russia and all the unusual and suspicious connections Trump and his team seem to have with the country and its repressive leader.

In my previous “From Russia” post, I discussed how pleased Putin must be with all his efforts. Russia was winning like Charlie Sheen – the hacking, the election, Syria, etc. But as more information drips out about Trump and his team, maybe he’s starting to feel like the Atlanta Falcons at this year’s Super Bowl – started out strong only to lose big. Excuse me, bigly. Let me keep up with times. The American people are probably not supposed to know of all of these messy ties after all.

In more exciting developments, the press is waking from their slumber, and they are salivating as they report on all these Russia stories like dogs devouring freshly cooked bacon dropped on a kitchen floor. They are licking their chops and sniffing around for more bacon. Let’s see what else they find.

Trump’s rise began with Russia and looking into my Magic 8-Ball, it looks like it could end with Russia too.

We have learned that Michael Flynn did discuss the sanctions President Obama had just unveiled with the Russian Ambassador before President Trump took office. Of course, he discussed sanctions with the Ambassador! I wonder what was said. Oh, wait. Apparently, there are transcripts out there. The damn fool was recorded by American intelligence. I won’t have to wonder for long.

When does that come out? Did Trump know? Oh, why yes he did – he was aware of this for almost 20 days and remained silent.

We’ve also learned today that Trump aides talked with Russian intelligence officials during the campaign. How unusual. Hmm, now why on Earth would those discussions be taking place? Maybe they wanted vodka recommendations?

Something tells me I will be writing a From Russia With Love – Part Three at some point.

President Trump also knew Flynn was being investigated by FBI and others and still picked him to lead the National Security Council. Absolutely jaw dropping stuff.

Moreover, the United States now has no head of the NSC. Does anyone care? Did everyone register that? I feel like Whoopi Goldberg in Sister Act when the nun at the piano doesn’t hear her name called when it’s time to start playing the piano. Whoopi stomps her foot and says, “Alma check your battery!” Alma smiles and gets with the program. When is America going to get it together and check our battery or whatever we need to do to stop this foolishness?  When is the public, Democrat, and Republican alike, going to stop and demand that our government cease to be run like an episode of Romper Room?  Where are the serious adults? When are we going to get it together?

Russia is going to be a problem for Trump. Maybe not tomorrow, not six months from now, or even next year but this will be a continuing problem and the truth will come out. The slow and steady drip of information detailing the unusual, to say the least, and potentially illegal dealings with Russia will damage President Trump. This could be his Iran-Contra, his Lewinsky scandal, Watergate, or even worse than all three of those scandals.

Time will tell.

Lastly, to see the treatment that America needs, click below.

 

Leslie Knope for President

I have been late to the party in understanding the current sentiment of a sizeable chunk of the American electorate. The aversion to the establishment, facts, and being told what to do. The electorate is like a rebellious child. Being told no or what cannot be done, no matter how unreasonable or detrimental, is the worst thing ever.

But as we firmly cement ourselves into Trump’s America, I have gained an understanding. All the things I thought were important aren’t, or at least to enough people in Pennsylvania, Michigan, and Wisconsin. We have proudly entered the age of the glorification of the unthinkable and the absurd. The more an action seems to defy what has been normal, the better.

Which brings me to my new love of Parks and Recreation. I was late to this party as well, my husband having sung the praises of this show for years while it was actually airing. But now that I have begun binge watching, I have totally fallen in love.

It is such a quirky and funny show. I just adore Leslie Knope and her eternal optimism and belief in government, which got me to thinking? Why can’t Leslie Knope be President? Don’t roll your eyes, I am as serious as Trump supporters who claim he is more moral than President Obama.

A thrice-married repeatedly bankrupt reality t.v. star, with zero government experience, is now the most powerful man in the world with access to the nuclear codes. This has motivated me to jump on the bandwagon of supporting the seemingly impossible. I am starting a petition. Leslie Knope in 2020! Hey, at least my candidate has been in government before – even if it was just a studio set.

Ok, you’re still rolling your eyes. Listen, I am not good at math, but this is all just as probable if not more so than Trump promising all those poor, unemployed downtrodden coal mine workers that he was bringing their jobs back. He squawked about it all campaign long and people fell for it, and other things. Why can’t people fall for Leslie Knope?

So I am starting a petition. Now, presumably, Amy Poehler will need to be willing to run as Leslie Knope and remain in character at all times. Who can convince her? Tina Fey maybe? Picture Leslie Knope on the phone with Putin or crushing on Canada’s Justin Trudeau? Imagine the great television!

You can’t tell me that this would be too far? The American electorate has just proven in this last election we can and will do anything. Nothing seems to be a bridge too far. No experience, no problem. A sexist pig, no problem. A racist, no problem. A pussy grabber, no problem. So why can’t we vote for an actress to remain in character as our President for four to eight years? We will have the added intrigue of never truly knowing what are Amy’s thoughts as Amy and Amy’s thoughts while thinking about what Leslie the character would do.

And we like shiny and new – so nothing would be more new and cutting edge than having an actress, playing a role, as our first female President. Sorry Hillary, it just wasn’t meant to be for you. God knows I love you, but those e-mails made you the worst thing since Lady Macbeth, so I have to move on to Plan B. For what it’s worth, before Kate McKinnon gave the world her best Mrs. Clinton, Amy Poehler did an awesome Hillary back in 2008 on Saturday Night Live – so in a weird way, Amy will bring Hillary with her in spirit. See, this all works!

But think about it, Amy Poehler has no government experience. Apparently, the less experience the better. Americans now like their Presidents inexperienced and ill prepared. It’s en vogue. Being President may be the hardest job on Earth, why would anyone need to be experienced?

But for those few people who care about experience, Leslie has experience. All of Leslie’s years at the Pawnee Parks Department, which is more government experience than the current President! A loyal civil servant always interested in doing the right thing. And to make it even more fun, Leslie should bring along the Parks and Recreation cast to fill her main cabinet posts. Hey, if we think Rex Tillerson will be tough as Secretary of State, that man will have nothing on Ron Swanson. What about slimy Tom Haverford as Treasury Secretary?

Lastly, what if with the transition of power from a Trump Presidency to a Knope Presidency, the mockumentary film style comes to the White House! How awesome would it be if we had that now? You know there are some wild conversations taking place in the Oval Office that we’re missing.

No, Mr. President, you can’t hang up on Angela Merkel even if you think she’s unattractive and a bitch. No, Mr. President, you can’t just build a wall, we have this thing called Congress and they give you funding. No, Mr. President, it is not a good thing if we have a new nuclear arms race.

Imagine being able to watch Kellyanne Conway and Sean Spicer chasing Trump around the Oval trying to snatch his phone so he can’t tweet. We are living through a Presidency via twitter, why not through a mockumentary in 2020?

A potential Knope Presidency brought to you by Amy Poehler as Leslie Knope has tons to offer the country. Entertainment is more important than policy we learned long ago and who better to entertain than a comedic actress of Ms. Poehler’s talents? I think I have proved my case and solved the problem for the Democrats. Now, all we have to decide is who we can get to run with her for Vice-President?

 

 

 

 

The King is Denied

Henry VIII needed papal approval for his desired annulment from his first wife Catherine of Aragon as he was stepping out on her with a younger woman who he hoped could give him a male heir. When the request was denied by the Pope, Henry VIII claimed supremacy over religious matters and ultimately created the Church of England.

He also banished and had some folks killed, but he ultimately was able to marry again – despite what the Pope said. Although he never received the male heir from his second wife Anne Boleyn, the world received Elizabeth I. Karma is a real you know what!

Here’s to hoping our own King, King Trump, gets a dose of karma.

King Trump desperately wants a Muslim ban even if it has no basis in fact and the ban is not being reinstated. The 9th Circuit, as did previous judges, have told the King that he has overreached.

King Trump is receiving his first repeated dose of being denied.

Our King, as expected, took to Twitter to decry the decision and defiantly inform his subjects that this is about national security and this issue will go back to the courts. The petulant child does not like being told no.

Sigh. If you say so Donald. If you say so. I also look like the Rock, have millions in the bank, and thus don’t have to work tomorrow and can write all day to my heart’s content. See, I paid attention during my alternative facts lesson from that wicked Ms. Conway. A pile of poo is a stinking pile of poo and the ban reeks. When is the King going to accept this?

Our King, like Henry VIII, is never told no, just ask any of the woman involved in Pussygate. He always gets what he wants. But he has been denied. What will he do? If Henry could create his own Church, maybe our King will create his own judicial system. Stranger things have happened.

The Trump Presidency (I abhor calling it that) is going to be the ultimate test of the checks and balances built into our system and a test of the attention spans of the American people, who have historically shown the focus of a fly at a county fair.

But Trump is not the first President, and will not be the last, who has overreached. Andrew Jackson was denied his wish to remove Native Americans from lands that were not ours by the Supreme Court. Andrew Jackson ignored the Court and moved them anyway.

He also will not be the first, or the last, to push or quietly allow heinous laws and policies to be implemented. FDR signed an Executive Order allowing Japanese internment camps during World War II because of “national security” concerns. The great and beloved FDR who gave us Social Security and rallied the nation through the Depression allowed that.

The American people didn’t seem too outraged by that internment issue back then, which is the funny thing about racism and bigotry. It always rears its ugly head time and again against various groups and at different times through history. There is always a group willing to justify it. There is always an audience for it and always someone willing to exploit that fact.

The American people let that happen, and I fear they will allow more despicable policies and laws to be put in place this time around too.

So, Trump does not have a lock on despicable American behavior coming out of the Executive Branch of our government. However, he is the first who is so openly disdainful, almost on a daily basis, to the designed checks within the system on his power – whether that be the judiciary or protected free speech that allows media to ask critical questions of him.

It is great news that the 9th Circuit ruled in a way that makes sense to most reasonable people in this country. Now, what happens next? He still plans to fight. What are we, the other side, going to do? I no longer take comfort in believing that the majority of the American people will do the right thing or want to see the right thing done.

I believe that what Trump and his friends really wanted to do was ban all Muslims from all Muslim-majority countries. Anyone can look up with Steve Bannon thinks about Muslims and it’s not pretty.

However, a complete ban would be too easy to pull apart legally, so we have received this watered down version of this bigoted ban that’s just coincidentally all Muslim countries. Politically he looks like he is keeping a campaign promise and we get to inject a little bigotry which helps his base get their jollies.

The King was denied today and a small victory was won, but the fight isn’t over. We have a President willing to stretch his Executive Power to achieve abhorrent policy goals and a man who, as an individual, is repugnant. It’s a dangerous combination and one that I don’t believe we are all completely prepared to handle.