“Alternative Facts” – as taught by Kellyanne Conway

President Petty took time away from his new presidential duties to squabble about the size of his inauguration crowds over the weekend. Jesus take the wheel and drive fast, must this shallow and thin-skinned man go down this rabbit hole?

As the title of President does not seem appropriate for such an unserious man, I may call Trump President Petty from this day forward. But seriously, the newly elected 45th President of the United States was concerned about crowd size. Not jobs. Not terrorism. Not reading the constitution. No, crowd size. Where is the adult in the room to say yo, dude, you won – you have the power now shut up. Why do you care about this? Don’t reduce yourself and the office to this.

That person is supposed to be that wretched being, Kellyanne Conway Vampiress, and Stealer of Souls. Listen, I think most view politicians and political folks as worst than mud underneath their feet, but Kellyanne is a special kind of vile. She is a walking oil slick. She will look you in the eye and lie to you about what you just saw and not flinch or skip a beat. Your name is Bob and she’ll tell you to your face it’s Tom. By the time you’re done arguing with the devil’s apprentice you may walk away second guessing yourself. Slippery and down and dirty – you always need a bath after allowing her to come through your television screen. She must be even worse in person.

This weekend this soulless carbon being slithered about the Sunday morning news programs and tried to teach America about “alternative facts.” My forhead is sore from the number of slaps I inflicted upon it. Fortunately, most of us went to grade school where we all learned the difference between facts, opinions, and lies – or, excuse me, non-factual statements.

President Obama’s crowds for his inauguration were larger than President Petty’s – fact. The Woman’s March in D.C. over the weekend drew more people and by a lot – fact. Pictures tell the story. Figures from the D.C. Metro tell the story. The Park Service tell the story. But because facts are disposable and ever changing in Trump’s America, the Vampiress was trotted out to convince us of “alternative facts” and to tell us that we didn’t see what we saw. This, by the way, seems to be a scary theme emerging out of Trumpland – the gaslighting of America. You didn’t see what you just saw. You didn’t hear what you just heard. Don’t question us about the appalling thing you just saw or heard, if you do there will be hell to pay.

This, by the way, seems to be a scary theme emerging out of Trumpland – the gaslighting of America. You didn’t see what you just saw. You didn’t hear what you just heard. Don’t question us about the appalling thing you just saw or heard, if you do there will be hell to pay. Nothing to see here folks. Just nod and smile like Melania and we will all get along.

At the end of the day, this is dumb. It’s extraordinarily silly. President Obama is gone. The power lies with Trump and his cartel of stooge billionaires and soulless White House staff. He has the power and should begin to govern (scary thought) like a real leader – whether a million people came out to see him, or just one.  Instead, he is still in celebrity mode pouting about who is more popular essentially. Who had better television ratings? Who had more people? Dude, who cares!

But the new President is so sensitive, so desperate to be loved and liked that he has to stoop to lying and pushes his staff out to attempt to mislead the American people about things that don’t really matter.

What on God’s green Earth are “alternative facts?” Facts are facts – they really don’t have alternatives. And while everything seems to be malleable with these people, sane people cannot buy into this jello pudding version of the concept of truth. Facts and truth matter. They are essential to a successful and progressing democracy.

Americans should be alarmed that we have an administration so willing to lie about things we can plainly see – and such silly things at that.

If President Petty, Sean Spicer, and the evilest of them all – the Vampiress Kellyanne Conway – are willing to lie about this, something so trivial, what else will they lie about?

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