Republicans in a Pickle

The object of Republican’s eternal wet dreams, the repeal of Obamacare, is finally coming to fruition in real life. They can touch it and feel it – it’s right there. But when grabbing the pickle that is health care, one should beware – if they’re not careful, they might drop the pickle and break the entire jar as well.

Never mind that fact, let’s start with the good news for Republicans. They can rejoice, millions of people may lose their health insurance! Let the church say amen! It’s a glorious day! Estimates are that 20 million people now have coverage. Hell let’s be really conservative and say it’s only 10 million, but to quote the President-elect, that’s a YUGE number. YUGE. What happens to those people?

It is time to dance with the devil to get the details – and the devil is a lie, doesn’t play fair, and steps on your toes while he twirls you around the ballroom.

How will they do this? When will they do this? What will the new plan look like?

Cue the crickets.

The Republicans have spent so much time trashing a law that has provided health care to millions (through private insurance by the way) and bringing down the country’s uninsured rate they have to find somehow a win that is better than that. What does the win look like? Is it going to be single payer? No, of course not – only all those other stupid Western democracies do that. We Americans are always so unique, thumbing our noses at healthcare and silly things like the metric system that all the cool kids are raving about. We’re like Raven-Symoné on the world stage with purple hair and one side of our head shaved. So unique and weird – we just won’t conform.

Will it be more access and cheaper prices? How? Do they have a plan to control the consistent rise in the cost of health care (not an Obamacare creation)? No, of course not. How do they deal with the problem of insuring the sick which is terribly expensive? One of the Republican “plans” floating around gives more subsidies to younger people to obtain health care and less to older people (who are usually sicker). I guess that’s one way to do it. Yikes! Don’t be in your fifties and ever lose your job. Eh, let’s just send the old folks to the glue factory – what the hell.

What do you do about the subsidies for low-income earners in a state like Kentucky where the uninsured rate has dropped precipitously? What do you do when you realize those on the plan in that state are overwhelmingly Republican? If you keep the subsidies aren’t you holding a main component of Obamacare? Do you give them tax credits? Who pays for the tax credits?The Affordable Care Act has many taxes – geared towards top income earners and on certain industries (tanning for example). Now, not surprisingly, the “plans” we have seen seem to shift cost burdens from the wealthy and virtually tax low-income earners by removing subsidies.

Kentucky is a red state. You take away coverage, you’re shooting yourself in the foot with one of those ak-47’s you believe everyone should have. Now even though some Kentuckians are dumb and know they have coverage, but don’t know it’s Obamacare now, they’ll find out soon enough. It’s not their fault; they call it “Kyncet,” which sounds so cute and non-Muslimy. Hell, it could be a little white kid’s name like River or Tripp. No, but seriously, I went to the website – so helpful and colorful. You’d never know Barack Hussein Obama had anything to do with giving those folks health insurance.

So many questions, so little time. What to do, what to do?

The funny thing is, you can be that rascally Kenyan, foreign-born Muslim President attempting to destroy the country through socialism, or the current anarchist and pussy grabbing President-elect, but the problems are the same. The Democrats, for all the laws flaws, put a plan out there. They have offered something that is an imperfect attempt to make things better for people. It needs work, but objectively how an anyone claim insuring millions more puts us in a worse position as a nation than we were in 2008 without the law?

But since we’re starting from scratch supposedly, all the aforementioned questions are the challenges presented before the Republican Party. Are they truly going to accept it?

The Republicans have full government control. What’s their solution? Besides, regurgitate the line repeal and replace in of every t.v. camera available. What are they going to do? Who is going to walk the tightrope from Capitol Hill to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue on this issue? If anything, it should surely be fun to watch. Can they make the rhetoric and policy on this issue line up?

They have promised repeal for so long and used this issue as a boogeyman for so long. Presumably, the President-elect won many votes this issue (and some others) – now they must deliver. It’s Christmas for the Trump voters, and they want their new white pony.

Of course, despite all of the President-elect’s bluster of fixing this in a few weeks, the complication of the American healthcare system cannot be overstated. The President-elect talks about repeal and replacement of the Affordable Care Act (ACA) as if he is just replacing an ottoman for Ms. Smith in Smalltown, USA. There is a reason why this was a wishlist item for every Democratic President (and even Nixon) from FDR to Obama. This shit is hard, and it matters and healthcare coverage for people who don’t have it when they are sick matters.

Repealing and replacing a law of this size, and of this magnitude, will not happen without causing pain – and sensible Republicans know that. Even though the President-elect is mashing the gas, look for reasonable Republicans to start raising some red flags. There the fat bastards at Thanksgiving who cut a slice of Pumpkin Pie too big only to realize a few bites in that it may be more than they can digest.

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